Home

Home Sweet Home.
Home is where the heart is.

I had a conversation with myself last night before I fell asleep. The idea of "home" has been bothering me lately. For some reason I feel like I don't have one. Yes, I know that I have a family that I can always turn to. But where they live is not my home. They recently moved several states away and whenever I "come home" as they say it, I just stay in a guest room in a house I don't know very well. It isn't home.
I have a house in Spring Hill that they left behind when they moved. And I think that may be the closest thing I have to home right now. I ove that place, it has lots of memories and it is still a sweet place to go. I spend the night there sometimes on the weekend. There is a spare mattress on the floor, and a refridgerator and stove. But in the end, it is a shell. It is a big, empty, echoing thing. I can't call that home. It would be ridiculous to take my clothing, put it on a manikin and call it "Candice". And so it is just as crazy to call that house home.
Technically my home is here. I live in a dorm. I have all my belongings here, my bed linens, my artwork, my computer, my little "Candice" things. But it is the farthest thing from a "home". There is no one here to make it a home. It is just a housing hall that I live in because I have nowhere else to go.
And before I fell asleep, I realized that I am, in fact, homeless.
I hope I am not that way for long. But then I realized something else. I'm working toward making a home, and so although I am temporarily homeless, I am not hopeless.
My home is Daniel. Wherever he is, and where I am, is home. We don't have a house to put it in yet. We have to get married before the home is official, but in a sleepy dream like thought process I thought of buildnig my home. I thought of the future when arriving at my parents house as a guest wouldn't bother me. Daniel and I would be set up in the guest room together and then when the time was up we would get to go back to OUR house or apartment and we could have a place that really was home.
I am now a very excited homeless person. I can't wait to create something so important and universal. I can't wait to say "let's go home" and have it be mine. To have children live there. To cook in it's kitchen, to plant a garden, decorate a Christmas tree, clean the bathrooms! And at the end of the day, I can crawl into bed exhausted, but happy with what I accomplished for the day. Think of all the things I could do...I am in this process of creating a peaceful and healthy enviornment for my future husband, for my future children, for me.
I am a homeless homemaker.

And then after I figured this out, I fell asleep.