Loving and Breaking hard.

I'm a cautious person. Careful, even. For a long time people always told me I was practical. I hated that. I want to be a passionate person that doesn't always do the "normal" thing or get hung up on what was the practical thing to do.
Others think I am intellectual, talented, gifted, clever. I'm not really any of those, I promise. I'm just very personal. But all those personal things stay inside me. I don't make friends easily or quickly. I think it's because I want everyone I am friends with to be in an "all or nothing" relationship. I want them to know all about myself, I want to be able to tell them things without scaring them. It's hard for me to be in a casual acquaintance type friendship. You know the people you eat lunch with, or talk to everyone once in awhile. The ones you add on facebook, but hardly ever think about? I don't like that type of friend. I feel like they (and me) are getting cheated out of something that's real. But so many people hate it when I get personal. I say something strange or unconventional, and they give me a tight smile or nervous laugh. It's sad. So it isn't easy for me to make friends because they don't like me to be all open. But at least I can say that I'm loyal. If I DO make a friend, it takes a lot to shake my trust in them. The few friends that I have, I love them hard. I would do anything for them.

Unfortunately, if they do break my trust, it shatters me. And it's hard for me to talk to them. To look at them and not get very upset. I still love them hard, but it breaks me hard too.

I don't know why I'm writing this today. Weird to write about. It's just been hard to make friends this semester and I think I'm trying to explain why.